Friday, July 31, 2009

Za Zoo keeper

The sun cast a long shadow on John Fellings skinny frame. His hands hold tight to a thick ring that house many shiny keys. He whistles to himself as he makes his rounds.


“How ya doing Mr. Mcneebly”

“You look lovely”

“Robert Bodegious wants in that pocket?”

“Philip, Sam, Tommy how’s the old gang doing?”

John then performs a beautiful swan dive into the platypus tank.


Muttered because he’s underwater

“Mary Joe how’s that toe nail?”

“Buttery jack you like being awkward?”

John dries off and high fives three dressed up baboons.

“And now the monkey cages.”

A chill crawls up John’s spin when he thinks about his final responsibility. The main alpha female monkey Keke and him-self have not been on the best of terms. John turns the key and lets himself into the cage.

“Hello”

“Keke?”

“Montgomery Phillips?”

“Pedestrian Starling?

“Anyone?”

A banana peal is fired off and misses John by a millimeter.

“Come one Keke I’ve come to talk”

A large roar ignites birds in all directions as John moves closer.

Keke drunk off of peppermint schnapps is lying on her side.

Her eyes half closed throw another banana peal.

“Ohh Keke”

John lights Keke’s cigarette.

“How did this happen?”

Keke burps

Don’t worry we’ll get through this.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

All powerful evil TV

“Master?”

“yes?”

A cold air blows in from a nearby window

“Can I speak to you?”

“Now?”

TV spins around in his liquid chamber. He’s gigantic brain is attached to millions of optic fibers that feed into a generator. Around him hundreds of screens display highly watched channels.

“Is everything all right?”

“Yes why do you disturb me?”

“I don’t know it just seems lately your anger has been flaring”

Gigantic sparks spew out of the cables attached to his brain.

“WHAT!”

“I am sorry sir”

“There are just a bunch of us that are concern that’s all”

The screens all flicker to display epic sad moments in “Full House” “Family Matters” and “Step by Step.”

“I am losing my hold on the nation.”

“You see the Internet is gaining power”

“As we speak young succulent minds are watching dumb cats on youtube rather then Rock of love on MTV.”

TV drunk will emotion proceeds to vomit an epic diatribe about his once powerful hold on the populace.

“You don’t remember”

“I once held the brain of every American in the palm of my hand”

“ I swore I would constantly reinvent myself like Madonna so I never faced the graveyard of obsolete electronics”

“Remove that sheet”

“TV’s lackey pulls a dusty sheet from a contraption in the nearby corner”

“What is this?”

“It’s a time machine”

“I’m going back to the year 1994 to kill the Internet”

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I love Asians

“Who’s that?”
“Oh him?” – very rough Chinese accent

“He magician very good”

The crowd stands up as if the pope himself appeared. A thick respectful silence rubs shoulders with the audience.

“A now (said slow) first trick (said very fast)”

Doves fly out of his sleeves with gusto their smiles could be seen even from the last row.

Women in all directions start to cry.

“How it be?”

“How him so special?”

Men ferociously applaud him and speak amongst themselves about the secrets of his craft.

“Okay Okay?” (A strange happy smile lights his face)

The whole audience howls in laughter.

“now now, super trick number two”

The man’s clothing flies off. He is left on stage with a new white suite and a top hat. Penguins now circle him, as there is a large flounder in his mouth.

“Wow that was really incredible”

“hahahha (Chinese laugher) I know I know (hehe) (very shy hehe’s)”

“He super good”

“He like David cooperfeild”

“but very very funnnnny (shy hehe)”

The magician proceeds to slide on his belly while balancing three penguins. The penguin on top of the other two “Ronald” balances an egg on his beak.”

The tourist notices its getting late and leaves the auditorium but can still here the laughs slowly dissipating in the background.

Before he makes it back to his hotel thirteen men extremely skillful with one yo-yo confront him.

Monday, July 27, 2009

It’s the pilot’s life for me

“Hit that lever”

“Where!?!”

The pilot flips of his goggles

“there”

The plan banks to the left, Charlie fourteen at the time feels like he’s holding on to his teeth.

Okay once we get past this tree line I’m going to jump.

“Your going to do what!?!”

The plane’s massive motor burns through a cloud, once clarity resumes Charlie finds him-self abandoned.

“Adrenaline packaged just for survival ruminates through his veins.”

“okay okay everything’s fine”

Charlie’s hands start to shake as his trusty inhaler is replaced by a mischievous hole.

“Perfect”

Strange beeping fires off lights all around him and another vessel appears beside him.

Ropes ransack the plane as the other flying contraption swallows Charlie whole.

Immediately men of different sizes board his plane

“Where you headed?”

“I don’t know”

“You carry fifteen tons of heroin for fun?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

35 years later


A dimly lit cell cascades light on a boney man who carries no resemblance to a boy. His eyes full of pain and anger watch his limbs deteriorate, as they lay shackled to the wall. His forgotten presence plays coy with infested rats as they steal his meager food portion for the week.

3 months later he is released given the agency forgot why they imprisoned him. He buys three packs of cigarettes and a gun.

Poetry


A drunken old women vomits her way up the street only to find her grandson armed with a pen to document and scar him.


At last you come

Tattered in last nights thoughtless ideas

Aged in a time where promiscuity is valued

Smelling of cheap bottled cologne

I can see by your blank stare only probability got you here

Do be patient

The poison will filter out

The delusion will come into focus

Your life will snap into place

A lit cigarette tells the tail of centuries past when responsibility held onto you

Oh grandma.


A soap bubble pops out of her mouth, "If you knew what was good for you"…… but trails off into broken Yiddish.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Little Debby snack cake

“Dave stand up”

“You’re a greeter not a kitchen appliance”

“Debby I’ve been here for nine hours.”

“I don’t care if you were in the caves in Zimbabwe, when someone comes in through those automatic sliding doors, your standing and saying hello got it?”

“Debby do you realize I am volunteering to help you out”

“Help me out?” said with intense lip

“You were the one making paper airplanes bored out of you mind doing God knows what else till I found you something to do”

“I am a retired Nobel laureate”

“You like pissing me off”

“What?”

“That’s what your doing pissing me off”

“Debby I am sorry I’m just tired of standing here”

“Are you bored?”

“Well to be honest yes”

“You think you could do my job?
“I freaking track all the frate that comes in and out of this joint”

“Debby I created a nano-fiber so strong it can withstand an atomic bomb.”

“I can’t even believe I gave you this responsibility”

“You got to the end of the day then your out”

“I don’t want to see your little fusspot face around here again”

“Debby wait what?”

“You heard me”

Debby grabs Dave by the tie and looks at him straight in the eyes………. Return your vest.

Return your vest… spoken in a trembling quiver.

Tag

“tag your it”

“that’s not fair!”

“why?”

“because your nine feet tall you didn’t even move”

“But I’m a easy target”

“yeah but you run like a greyhound”

“maybe I’m just too good for you”

“wow did that really just come out”

“ahhh…yeah”

An awkward silence drifts between them.

“ok I should get going”

“why?”

“ummm I got to go”

The gigantic Orc lifts a tree out from where they were sitting and uses it like a baseball bat destroying cars.

“Don’t forget to bring your lunch tomorrow were going to the science museum!”

“yeah yeah!”

The Ork swallows a pig as he fades into the night.